To Honour The Marriage Vows Of Dick Goody

And Precious Luckins


Mouthpieces screamed it wouldnÕt blossom;

Pewed we even now gang up,

Except Angel, the bridesmaid cuffed

For head-butting our groom.

Such pretty-pretty glad rags.

WhatÕs a trickle in blood –

A sleeping partner wonÕt lay waste

To your perfect, made good day.




On The Birth Throes Of Cherry Riches


We dignify our new-begotten issue

Into this scofflaw lineage.

Fated is a motley record.


To be nativitied in maximum-security

Is recognition for us.

Termlessly may she be dumb, happy,

Pelfing dependable admiration

From swindlers and prowlers.




Yay Lucky Wiszowaty


Knocked out to expose

Your paternity test shakedown

Was dismissed.  Grant that as an alarm.

YouÕre imperativeÕs to string-pull kismet.

A condomÕs unmatched to a prayer.

Revel without an orgy.

Tot blessings up in the minus.




Daddy Breadwinner


WeÕre just about gratified

To looksee you

Debriefed from clink so early-birdish.

Your fishy-transactionÕs loot

Junior stashed.

It hasnÕt abated.

Governmental red-tapeÕs recharged.

Our cashbooks are bosh –

UnemploymentÕs redundant,

On paper at least, sir.




Queen Shazza Noblet Upspins


An imperium of reality TV –

We floperooed, crystal gazing the script.

You hurtled into a 24 carat Prince,

A wedding themed: Beauty & The Beast.


How we sickened, even leg-pulled

When ageÕs dust made him gargoyle-ish.

ReuterÕs filthy-humoured you, a lout-mouthed ho-bag.

WhoÕs chuckling now?


© Christopher Barnes


Bio:  In 1998 I won a Northern Arts writers award.  In July 2000 I read at Waterstones bookshop to promote the anthology 'Titles Are Bitches'.  Christmas 2001 I debuted at Newcastle's famous Morden Tower doing a reading of my poems.  Each year I read for Proudwords lesbian and gay writing festival and I partook in workshops.  2005 saw the publication of my collection LOVEBITES published by Chanticleer Press, 6/1 Jamaica Mews, Edinburgh.


 On Saturday 16Th August 2003 I read at the Edinburgh Festival as a Per Verse poet at LGBT Centre, Broughton St.


I also have a BBC webpage and (if first site does not work click on SECTION 28 on second site.


Christmas 2001 The Northern Cultural Skills Partnership sponsored me to be mentored by Andy Croft in conjunction with New Writing North.  I   made a radio programme for Web FM community radio about my writing group.  October-November 2005, I entered a poem/visual image into the art exhibition The Art Cafe Project, his piece Post-Mark was shown in Betty's Newcastle.  This event was sponsored by Pride On The Tyne.  I made a digital film with artists Kate Sweeney and Julie Ballands at a film making workshop called Out Of The Picture which was shown at the festival party for Proudwords, it contains my poem The Old Heave-Ho.  I worked on a collaborative art and literature project called How Gay Are Your Genes, facilitated by Lisa Mathews (poet) which exhibited at The Hatton Gallery, Newcastle University, including a film piece by the artist Predrag Pajdic in which I read my poem On Brenkley St.  The event was funded by The Policy, Ethics and Life Sciences Research Institute, Bio-science Centre at Newcastle's Centre for Life.  I was involved in the Five Arts Cities poetry postcard event which exhibited at The Seven Stories children's literature building.  In May I had 2006 a solo art/poetry exhibition at The People's Theatre why not take a look at their website


The South Bank Centre in London recorded my poem "The Holiday I Never Had", I can be heard reading it on


REVIEWS: I have written poetry reviews for Poetry Scotland and Jacket Magazine and in August 2007 I made a film called 'A Blank Screen, 60 seconds, 1 shot' for Queerbeats Festival at The Star & Shadow Cinema Newcastle, reviewing a poem...see  On September 4 2010, I read at the Callander Poetry Weekend hosted by Poetry Scotland.  I have also written Art Criticism for Peel and Combustus Magazines.  I was involved in The Creative Engagement In Research Programme Research Constellation exhibitions of writing and photography which showed in London (march 13 2012) and Edinburgh (July 4 2013) see .  I co-edit the poetry magazine Interpoetry