Lord Byron Jpegs Five Doodles


Dark and unearthly self-pastiche as a nause

That glares               an underarm spumante bottle

The flash of              cloud-waltz thumbnailed in ink

Reveals too              rectum-rider action man a feign

Though varying        beggididy to hatstand in three revisions



Glossary of slang: Nause – Unpleasant Person, Underarm –

Illicit, Illegal, Rectum-Rider – Gay Man, Action Man – Macho,

Beggididy – Excited, Hatstand – Mad.



© Christopher Barnes




































Lord Byron Photoshops His Image


The foremost              geri-old expression must be recast

Conspicuous by          hamstered stubborn witching hours

The rest                      piss on his chips, lame-arse ghastly

Wind slowly                U-turning to the dolly boy of remote ages

Above the                   corrugated brow welcomes a squash

Where vultures           hirple, too jaded at death


By Christopher Barnes



Glossary of slang: Geri-old – Geriatric, Hamstered – Drunk.








































Lord Byron Buys Petrol Pump Roses


   As rolls the river      his fault-repair is kissy-kissy

In sable torrent          diddly-dum, time-servingly methodized

   As the sea-tideÕs     an airball so is she

In azure                     coast-line theyÕll treaty-make

Beats back                a fit-chased indiscretion

In curling form           love-of-truth will be disguised


By Christopher Barnes



Glossary of slang: Kissy-Kissy – Sentimental, Diddly-Dum –

Perfect, Air-Ball – Unintelligent, Fit-Chased – Drunk.










































Lord Byron Vapes Cannabis


ŅTell me no more          this cementheadÕs kerflummoxed

No, father, no               that axe-man is Hendrix

Alas! The dreamer       is floating, brought on, donÕt be berifta

IÕd only watchÕd            Woodstock a pendulum bob

But could not                thrust myself up to shimmy

ThrobbÕd to the            cable-veins, hearing the light


By Christopher Barnes



Glossary of slang: Cementhead – Unintelligent, Berifta – Dissapointing.









































Lord Byron Unfriends A Peer


In early days                       a ŌnarrÕ would pass muster

   When heart                      was unsparing to ratbags

Where bloom                      marred badmash cuddedness, dissolution

   I had                                tasked apple-polishing, so genial

To him this pledge             shape-up or be banjaxed

   Memorial of a youth        if intractable exchange

I would remind him            eternity is foreshortened, ourselves motley as leaves


By Christopher Barnes



Glossary of slang: Narr – No, Badmash – Naughty, Apple-Polishing –

Flattering, Banjaxed – Defeated.



Some bio details...
In 1998 I won a Northern Arts writers award.  In July 200 I read at Waterstones bookshop to promote the anthology 'Titles Are Bitches'.  Christmas 2001 I debuted at Newcastle's famous Morden Tower doing a reading of my poems.  Each year I read for Proudwords lesbian and gay writing festival and I partook in workshops.  2005 saw the publication of my collection LOVEBITES published by Chanticleer Press, 6/1 Jamaica Mews, Edinburgh.

On Saturday 16Th August 2003 I read at the Edinburgh Festival as a Per Verse poet at LGBT Centre, Broughton St.

I also have a BBC web-page www.bbc.co.uk/tyne/gay.2004/05/section_28.shtml and
http://www.bbc.co.uk/tyne/videonation/stories/gay_history.shtml (if first site does not work click on SECTION 28 on second site.

Christmas 2001 The Northern Cultural Skills Partnership sponsored me to be mentored by Andy Croft in conjunction with New Writing North.  I   made a radio programme for Web FM community radio about my writing group.  October-November 2005, I entered a poem/visual image into the art exhibition The Art Cafe Project, his piece Post-Mark was shown in Betty's Newcastle.  This event was sponsored by Pride On The Tyne.  I made a digital film with artists Kate Sweeney and Julie Ballands at a film making workshop called Out Of The Picture which was shown at the festival party for Proudwords, it contains my poem The Old Heave-Ho.  I worked on a collaborative art and literature project called How Gay Are Your Genes, facilitated by Lisa Mathews (poet) which exhibited at The Hatton Gallery, Newcastle University, including a film piece by the artist Predrag Pajdic in which I read my poem On Brenkley St.  The event was funded by The Policy, Ethics and Life Sciences Research Institute, Bio-science Centre at Newcastle's Centre for Life.  I was involved in the Five Arts Cities poetry postcard event which exhibited at The Seven Stories children's literature building.  In May I had 2006 a solo art/poetry exhibition at The People's Theatre why not take a look at their website

The South Bank Centre in London recorded my poem "The Holiday I Never Had"; I can be heard reading it on www.poetrymagazines.org.uk/magazine/record.asp?id=18456

REVIEWS: I have written poetry reviews for Poetry Scotland and Jacket Magazine and in August 2007 I made a film called 'A Blank Screen, 60 seconds, 1 shot' for Queerbeats Festival at The Star & Shadow Cinema Newcastle, reviewing a poem...see www.myspace.com/queerbeatsfestival  On September 4 2010, I read at the Callander Poetry Weekend hosted by Poetry Scotland.  I have also written Art Criticism for Peel and Combustus Magazines.  I was involved in The Creative Engagement In Research Programme Research Constellation exhibitions of writing and photography which showed in London (march 13 2012) and Edinburgh (July 4 2013) see
http://www.researchconstellation.co.uk/ .  I co-edit the poetry magazine Interpoetry http://www.interpoetry.com/