Just There 


I took a shower and
buried myself under water so hot it made my
arm hairs stand on end
--bits of pale light covered with
dew drops

And I thought of Dali
how I wandered through his theater last
May and laughed and chuckled with his paintings
like they were old friends
and shook my head and said to myself
oh Dali, you are such a fucking weirdo.

I was just there--Man, I was just there.

And my new pet rats are sleeping in one corner of my room
plopped on top of each other's fuzz--nose in tail and
face in belly--
while my older rat on the other side of the room
naps alone--his own head curled under himself as
if to take in the warmth of his own body so he does
not feel so apart
and separate

As I too have curled under the bedsheets at night
until my knees hug to my breasts and I can
hear myself breathing and pulsing and I
am not so trapped anymore.

But I still remember waking up above London streets
with a sausage smell from the sandwich store downstairs
and the fluffy cloud
 duvet wrapped tight to my arms 
and then I would turn and see if she was still sleeping on the other side of the room
and maybe I would fall back to think a bit before I
tried to tackle the day.

And we were just there, dammit, we were just there.

And I am drip drying now in my chair painted green--
hair longer than it's been in a while cold on my back
and my pink and purple fingernails tapping over the keyboard
like what I says makes a difference

They say that Dali was asked to come to a costume party once
dressed as his dreams and when they opened the door he
was standing there in the garb of death.

God, what an amazing weirdo.

And I was just there, you know,
I was just there.


Rachael Dickzen


Bio:  Rachael Dickzen is a former journalist and current trademark attorney who is currently revising her Hamlet prequel novel and working on a nonfiction book about marital surname decisions. Her work has appeared on Talking Soup, Burke Patch, Loudoun Extra, Offbeat Bride, and in other publications. She lives in Northern Virginia with her husband and two (sometimes three) very loved and spoiled cats. You can learn more about her current projects at http://rachael-dickzen.squarespace.com.