The Art of Sleeping

 

The enameled vessel

The window

The bedside table

Your hands, cold and hard

How can something so terrible feel so good?

No love in your embrace to me

Living with you is difficult and uncomfortable

However, it is convenient to die

Look! On horizon

Sleep and her sister death

They let me see clearly now

How you have found me here

Vessel release me

Let me go into the inevitable

Where I may be free in my blissful ignorance

 

 

Ramblings to her

 

I would come to you, but IÕm worried that your love would swallow me up and you would laugh

(You never really cared about me)

And when you drank my fears and told me I tasted sweeter than anything you had ever tasted I thought that you meant metaphorically

(I think that you care too much about me)

You say I am sweeter. Sweeter when I look at you like a god. Like you are my whole universe

(At one point you were)

For you I am sweetest when I am on my knees, praying worship to the gap in your thighs

Singing psalms to the curves in your hips

(You said I was prettier than you and I knew you were lying)

And you are sweet to me as the cherry lip gloss that you kiss my imperfections with

And you are sweet like the red lipstick marks on your collarbone

(I always wear pink lipstick)

I think I only stay with you because I like your pain

The way you split me open, torn stitches, delicate and frayed

(Your hands digging into my thigh are not helping)

Maybe I stay with you out of loneliness

Maybe I crave the type of love you bring

Fast and painful but there nonetheless

Sadistic and soft at the same time

(I told you infatuation wasnÕt love)

Sugar sweet suffering

Clawed hands covered in honey so that they taste sweet when you reach down my throat and rip out my voice box

(ItÕs not like I ever used it anyway)

Darling IÕm not saying that you are cruel, but IÕm saying that when I hold your hand in mine, I start to bleed

(Red never looked good on you)

You told me I deserve salvation

But your salvation is the feeling of your lips on mine, swallowing me whole so that I may never leave you

(I never believed in God anyway)

 

© Audrey Hoffman