Survival of the Fittest


            I love that feeling of seeing a meal so close that my mouth can already taste the savory, tangy riches of the leftovers from the trash. Sometimes I feel like itÕs my possum instincts to race towards the screen door to collect my treats. That is until I dart into the glass because IÕve been blessed with crossed-eyes. Sarcasm is how I deal with it.

            ÒHonestly Babe, IÕm so sick of watching over this brat. I canÕt even get him to sit down and watch the dang TV. Give me a sec. Bradley, go to your room and play with your toys. Ó

            Perfect. The baby-sitter was over and it was my time to shine and enter the heavens of garbage. My kind likes to think of it as the grocery store. If only it were easier to see where I was going though. Each time IÕve attempted to sneak into the blue house, itÕs taken me too long to get enough for the kids. I have just the right strategy this time though. As long as I make it through their cat panel instead of the door, IÕll have time to collect our favorites, the veggies and fruit. Ouch! I recognize the glass. Okay, new plan. IÕll walk along the door until I feel the warmth from the inside.

            ÒIÕll be out in just a bit. IÕm making sure this little monster isnÕt playing with knives again. I swear one day IÕm gonna get fired because he plays with the most dangerous things.Ó

            After a few seconds of waiting for her to leave, I began walking along the door again. Wait. Is that what I think it is? It canÕt be. Why is the child outside? Can a 5-year-old really open a door? I need to stay calm. HeÕs bringing out fruit. Oh what a dream it would be if he could toss it over to me. I hope heÕs using that knife for cutting it. Gosh, I have a feeling he shouldnÕt be playing with that thing. DidnÕt that girl mention something about knives last week?

            ÒThis fun. Me want possum too. Come here. Play with me.Ó

            IÕll play dead. No, I have to get it out of his hand. Should I really though? ItÕs a peach, thatÕs my little girlÕs favorite. Why must I be a wholesome opossum? My kind is usually greedy. I wait for him to put it down and play with the peach. As I grab the handle of the knife with my mouth, his screeching cries become too much for me.

            ÒBradley! What are you doing outside? You need to get in bed before your parents see any of this.Ó

            Finally I get away from what couldÕve been more disastrous than anything IÕve ever experienced. I canÕt believe I didnÕt get this weekÕs groceries again. I hope one day I go straight for the food.

            ÒBernard, Honey. DonÕt tell me you have nothing with you,Ó my wife called.

            ÒYouÕll never guess what happened tonight.Ó


© Vanessa Munder


Bio:  Vanessa is a coffee-crazed cat lover who obsesses over romance novels and the smell of new books. In her spare time she expands her knowledge over gender equality and will one day attend the National Feminist Leadership Conference. She also holds great interest in the fashion retailing and marketing industry.