Mattel recently announced the release of Limited-Edition So-Cal dolls for
The Southern California market:
This princess Barbie is only sold at The Irvine Spectrum. She
comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired
foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or
without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction
with "augmented" version.
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar
minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time
occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold
Van Nuys Barbie
This recently paroled former "Porn Actress" Barbie comes with
a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a
methlab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid
for in cash, preferably in small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop,
then we don't know what you are talking about.
Santa Monica Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.
Included are a Starbucks travel cup, credit cards, French pedicure and
country club membership. Also available for this set are Real Estate Magnate
Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two
sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She
has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit
over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her
pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely
Newport Beach Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print bikini,
Jimmy Choo slides and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at her
beach house. Shallow Ken can be found in the cabana making out with Jail
Bait Skipper. Percocet prescription recommended.
Riverside Barbie aka 909 Barbie
This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled
sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of
Fontana Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid washed jeans,
fake finger nails, and a see-through halter top. Also is available with a
Laguna Beach Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight
brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with
white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or
need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Laguna Beach Barbie's and the
optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker free.
Long Beach Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll.
Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79
Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition
of the infant.
Rancho Santa Margarita Barbie
With frosted blonde hair and a French manicure, she's perfect in every way.
We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting.
West Hollywood Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.