Never Cuss

I'm a good guy
Never cuss
Never take the name of the Lord in vain
Just do what the Good Book says
Like all my brothers and sisters do
I set an example for my children
Who have never heard me utter
One of those dreaded cuss words
I'd list them for you here
But of course that would be self-contradictory
To the message of this poem
Which is
Never cuss

There was that one time
When I was a kid about 5
Out in garage with my brother
And we were saying the word " "
Starts with an s
Not Superman
My mom came out and washed our mouths out
With a bar that did not taste like candy
Learned my lesson

Since that day I have never cussed again
Well, now that I think of it
Maybe there was one other time
That time out on the ballfield
When I muffed that fly ball
Cussed out the world

That was the last time
The very last
Till that time at work
My boss gave me a lousy review
I called him an " "
Also starts with an s
Again not Superman

That was it
Those three, four
Thousand times
Never cussed again
Well, till last Sunday
Standing in the men's bathroom
Right before the service
When I thought of something the teacher said
Rubbed me the wrong way
So underneath my breath
So no one could hear
I said " "
Two words
First starts with f
Not fat
You get the picture

And that was definitely the last time
I have ever cussed
Till this morning
When this " " computer
Would not do what I wanted it to do
Starts and ends with a d
Not delightful

So this is just to let you know
I'm still a good guy after all these years
That's why I never cuss
Have never cussed
Will never cuss
And as for you my esteemed reader
I just want you to know
I just don't cuss
So trust me
I would never say " " to you

© Tom Bourne